Indulgence

Stupidity roots from indulgence of affection and passion. Why the world can¡¦t tolerate indulgence I don¡¦t know. I look into the truth-telling reflection and was deceived. What is shown is not me. They call me Medusa, the ¡§jellyfish¡¨. If only they were fishes.

                Sometimes I still believe I have them. My hair. Not these filthy, slimy, slithery¡K. I dreamt and in the dreams I saw me. I am wearing my best tunic with golden woven stitches that matches my hair. It was that night that I met Poseidon. People respect him and called him the Lord of the Sea, but to me, he¡¦s just Poseidon. The man that needs attention, and so I give.

                And then I wake up. I wake up feeling the worms crawl, as if Poseidon¡¦s slender fingers were running through my hair and called it ¡§the glittery¡¨. I shiver. ¡§Medusa,¡¨ Stheno. ¡§We need you, we need your beautiful eyes, dear little sister.¡¨ Euryale and Stheno are laughing. They were jealous, of my beauty. Yes, my beauty. But they are all I¡¦ve got now. The worms and my sisters. ¡§In the name of Zeus,¡¨ Stheno is still laughing, ¡§why does your belly swell so badly?¡¨ I look up from the water, ¡§I am pregnant.¡¨ Stheno frowns. ¡§That bastard!¡¨ ¡§If you ever use that word on him again,¡¨ I rush and clutch her arm ¡§I¡¦ll kill you.¡¨ Stheno shudder. Her eyes narrowed, ¡§Have you any idea what are you doing? Do you want to turn your own flesh into stones?¡¨ She turns away ¡§Euryale! Guess what Medusa just said, she said she¡¦s going to kill me for a deceitful man!¡¨

                I look into the water again. I see Poseidon in my eyes. He is smiling at me and his lips are moving slowly with gracefulness. I close my eyes again, for I scare if I look any longer, the memory would become stone. That night when he gave me his words, I was petrified. His cheeks were pale. I can smell the salt from the sea breeze when he pulled me into his arms and played with my hair. His eyes were sincere, or I believe so. The magic potion pours from his mouth into my ears and bewitched me. He said he loves me though he can give no promises. And who wants promises? All we need is to indulge in that instant.

                I followed him to the woods. The night was dark, but the stars led our way. He didn¡¦t tell me where were we going, and I didn¡¦t ask. When I am with him I forgot who I am. I forgot how men used to please me because now I just want to please him. He blindfolded me and told me I don¡¦t need to see but only feel. We walked and walked. I don¡¦t know for how long, I can¡¦t remember that. Then I lied down on a smooth, cold ground. I was tired. He took off his himation for me to lie on. I peeked and saw out shadows wrapping the white, carved pillars. Where are we? I asked. It was so quiet that I could only hear the flames of torch rose and wrestled with air.

                Afterwards he gave me two olives, still fresh and connected to the bough they grew from. Till death shall they be apart, he said, just like us. Is that a promise? I asked. He smiled and did not answer.

                My sisters saw it coming, the sorceress. They knew what would happen the morning I went home. ¡§She¡¦s going to get you pay for this, Medusa.¡¨ Euryale sighed. ¡§Never trust anyone but yourself, especially man who gives vague promises.¡¨

                Then it happened. My hair. Overnight they turn into snakes. I was out of my mind and strike them aimlessly with knives. They grow out again. And again. I was told that Poseidon deserted to the Northern Sea, his sovereignty. Stheno said I should have known better. Stheno said he is infamous. Soon after I realize I turn animals into stones. ¡§Ha, Athena,¡¨ teased Euryale ¡§couldn¡¦t figure out other punishment, could she?¡¨ The news spread out, and people knew. Still, fools came visit and never found their way back. Only my sisters can resist the horrible curse spoken from my glances. Everyday I look into the mirror, hoping to turn myself into stone, dreaming he will come back to me. They call me stupid. They call me other names, too. They say I was used as a tool and now wasted. They were ashamed of me. I was never given a chance to defend myself. Because I didn¡¦t do anything wrong. Because all I did is indulging and loving him too much.

                Thoughtlessly I look up from the water in the brass vessel. There are noises from the outside. Or is it the sizzling sound the snakes made?

                I pick up the dried olives floating on the water and walk outside.